SripngMarch 15, 2010
Hi, I am Sripng. Yup, you got it and I did na fumble. I never met sumone so far in life who could pronounce ma name correctly. I don’t know what was in ma parents’ mind when they named me such.
The only memory I have about ma parents is the bloody name I have. I was dumped in the church with a note sayin ma name. Church guys thought they may have a hard time callin me, but Father John stuck to the name. He loved me very much.
Soon after he was dead, I was thrown out of the church for I was a brat till then.
I was in nuts. Life was super mean, but I had to be meaner. I had the time of ma life beatin the heat.
One day, I was nailed by the cops sellin stone to a bird. I was in the can for a day. I was being sent to foster parents by the cops. I guess they were being good to me.
I was adopted by one Ste somethin. He had an equally twisted name. It was good to be with him. m sayin that coz he was ma butter n egg man.
One day, he said, “Let’s play a game. But, ya need guts for that.”
I see life when I smell adventure. He pushed himself to ma back. I don’t know why was he panting like a dog.
Anyways, I did not get the game. Next day he asked for another round and when I noed him, he showed me the rod.
I jumped at him before anythin and he was dead. I lammed off from there, of course with the roscoe.
I met a guy called Khnam. He told me it meant dagger and he was a button man. For the next few days I was with him. He told me not to be a boob and let mercy be history.
What are ya doin here?
Lost your eyes?
Don’t be silly. I know that I sent for you. My memory is as good as it ever was.
Khnam was the first guy I ever got along well. But, he is old now. I do most of his work. He turned into a boozehound and sometimes I just cannot stand that idiot. It’s time he should be dumped. He gets all the berries of ma work. I do things before he imagines ‘em. In 30 years, I had been converted to a merciless killing machine by Khnam. The fact of the matter is I am Khnam when he was my age.
Hey! I need some talk with you Khnam.
Fuck Off!!! m not in mood!
I jammed the roscoe in his button and said,”Ye were my butter n egg man, but now …”
What’s the grift????
Nothing! I just wanna dump you. And as ya told, never leave a job unfinished. So …
Those were the last words I spoke him before I poured the slug on him.
I was not happy doin it but I had to do it. That’s the law. I guess somethin is still there in me. I went for some booze. I was just going to have my first drink, when I saw an ankle. She was a dish. Oh Guns! What is happenin to me. m falling for a chick??? I hardly had one drink. Nor m I smokin a mud pipe. She was lightin a cigarette when I saw her. The way she held it. There was somethin mysterious ‘bout her. Oh Guns! I m losin ma brain. Fuck Off! Get out of my mind!
I was about to make a move to offer her a drink. I saw a fat guy with glad rags on. He came and took her. As they were disappearin, she looked at me. She noticed me. Yeah, she did.
I was not feelin ok after Khnam was gone, I was so used to fightin with him that I started missin him. Shit! This was not somethin Khnam taught me. I have to get out of it.
I was walkin in the road, when I saw the fat guy that I saw with that chick. I just went after his shadow. I saw him enter a big building. As I was looking, suddenly I felt the Shiv in ma neck. In the next moment, I had taken over the Shiv and I saw the chick behind me.
These are boy’s toys, keep away from it.
And I kept the Shiv in ma pocket. She told me, she was called Jane. What an apt name, I thought.
She offered me cigarettes, as I was lightin it I felt the cold of the rod.
You could have been dead by now. Never underestimate anyone.
Quite a lesson, Khnam forgot to teach me. I m always clean in my job that he never felt the need for it.
Ok! m all yours! What do ya want from me?
She took me to a secret room in the building where the fat man entered. She told me she is a thief and is here to sneak the marbles from the museum and the fat gathered it for his son. She also told that he never talks with his son. Don’t know it had any connection.
I was never a thief, but this is a big bet. I was tired of eatin canned chillies and cheap beer and soon ma fellows will stop giving job to an old mutt like me. So, I thought of giving it a try.
Ok what’ll I have to do? I will do the stealing and ya have to do the killing.
That sounds fine. m game for it.
She told me all details and she was quite planned as I saw. She had the details to the pin.
I will have to do all killings whoever came in the line and it has to be done very fast without ringing the bells in Elephant ears.
I had done this all years and I was pretty sure about it.
Sunday was the day marked for execution. Dawn was the time chosen. It is the time when most people are sleeping and even the guards in the museum feel sleepy in those final hours of their duty.
It was a large building but it looked more like an office. The fat man got some nice shit in his head.
Jane knew the building in and out but I dint. So, I got a map of it from one of my wireman. I knew where the marbles were placed but I needed to know the way to in and out.
We dropped there at around 3 in midnight. Gettin the gate wasn’t tough. We doped the gateman before he knew it.
We went to the target room directly. Jane guided me through a secret way. I saw the marbles for the first time. Any mutt would like to have those.
As I went to break it, Jane stopped me and took out her gum and did something with the machine nearby. She told me it is kept to ring the elephant ears when tries to come near the marbles.
After that taking the marbles was a box—job. As were going out, I saw the cops coming in.
“You dumb mug, get your mitts off the marbles before I stuff that mud-pipe down your mush – and tell your moll to hand them over to me.”
BANG BANG. It was a box job for me to chill them off. No big deal. You don’t talk when you have the gun.
I looked at Jane and smiled.
She looked unhappy about the Chicago Lightning Show. Perhaps she planned something else.
“You cleared the bells. Then how come they come to know it. Khnam rightly told. Never believe a woman.”
I just poured the slug on her and went out.
I wish Jane would not have come into ma life. The last few days with her were the best I had all ma life. Nobody loved me before her, even if it was false. She aroused a part of ma brain that I thought did not exist.
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On the technical language part, Gyaan has said enough. For me it sounded African Americanish and over all i would say it’s a new style you have attempted and for the very reason of attempting something new i will give you a load applause. And a small tip to conclude: When you attempt something new style next time, do a bit of research online and you can fine tune it better. P.S Since you are a researcher by prof you can do it better 😛
such a gud piece of literature…
Thanks Gyan Ban. I will keep this things in my mind in future.
Disclaimer – Since you asked for it let me tell you – I am not particularly good at giving cosmetic critiquing so will be precise.
What you re trying to achieve here is a difficult thing. A dark gangsta/african american/tarantinoesq/mafia pacino style narrative.
Some word inconsistencies notwithstanding, I think you have done a commendable job.
So you ve got to be consistent with the narrative style – if it is gangsta rap – then proper english should/could be avoided and vice versa.
One example –
She aroused a part of ma brain – methinks goes against the narrative flow – my suggestion – -> She shot ma brain on a high.
All ing’ s to end as n e.g. –> nothing to end as nothin….adds to consistency to the narrative.
I guess you get the drift.
From a story core – I think you have done a good job.I was visualizing animation type screens while reading it.Quite good indeed. It is a simple story with it s heart in place.
I think the dark violent angle to it was interesting which gives the narration a personality.
Overall, I think a good attempt to push new boundaries.