Indian match making processJanuary 1, 2013
Wedding is a match made in heaven. Maybe. But before we discover this so-called chosen guy for us , why do we have to go through the torture of rejection , judgments , explanations , promotions and what all. At times , I am forced to think that I can fight and excel at work but not enough for the prospective grooms.
And that’s a story I so frequently get to hear around me. The girls want a higher salary , good looks and the chances to travel different places from the guy. The guy wants a smart and intelligent bride who can drop all her plans and job to be with him wherever he wants.
And the story doesn’t end here unfortunately There is guy’s mother who wants the girl to be from same caste , to be beautiful , know household work well, and the wedding should be so grand to make all her relatives talk about it for years. The girl’s mother wants the guy to have some social standing and paycheck heavier than most in the family, the guy should have a house and car of his own and if he lives alone in some city away from his parents and relatives , he is indeed a good catch.
Why do wrong kind of people have to meet , pretend to talk , try to know each other , judge each other and bear the other side’s comments before settling down with the one, who is destined to be.Maybe he or she is not the best choice, maybe the couple spends the whole life together pretending to love and care for each other. Whatever be the outcome, I DO NOT understand the purpose of this Indian drama of match making by parents and relatives.
The girl earns more than the guy : Outrage
The girl is not beautiful : Assume that she has to adjust with looks and money of the guy when time comes
The guy earns less : Assume he should be happy with just any girl who agrees to marry him
The guy doesnt look good : He should earn handsomely to compensate.
Why these notions ?
I am not saying that miracles do not happen .
I have seen most unexpected ( and that proves I am judgemental too to some extent ) couples get married.
I have seen parents agree without hesitation about the guy / girl they would be making a part of family.
I have seen parents refuse an alliance for reasons I can not tire writing about.
Why can we not let two mature people decide about their own life and bear the consequences ?
Why do the parents have to threaten the kids with either not talking or daily listing all the ways a wedding could go wrong ?
Why are we so concerned with what the society would say about the match ?
Why can’t Indian parents just make sure to support their kid in good and bad times alike and talk to him/her as a caring friend but not the caring king who knows only to pass rules and make everyone follow it to ensure peace and order ?
Why not ask the people if they are or would be happy together rather than measure them on all other scales except mutual compatibility ?
There are many such questions that have no answer. And these can cause much trauma to anyone.
My only hope and wish is that parents stop subjecting the guys and girls to this hypocritical system of evaluation.
Life has enough ways to test a person’s integrity and talent. We do not want another one which is based on beauty and money.
Let the guy and girl meet each other with a free heart and mind.
Let them make friends , fall in love and then spend a life time together.
We welcome your comments at firstname.lastname@example.org