7 ways to cope up when your beloved gets married to someone else!January 1, 2013
Honestly speaking there really are no fixed set of rules or codes of conduct for the said situation. Nor do we claim our writeup to be a sort of survival guide.
These are simply some seemingly hypothetical suggestions which have a degree of feasibility for a situation that is as real as real can be..
No one can really fathom the silent suffering , the pain one goes through at such a situation and not even the most explicit of movies or books can recreate it in their creative expressions.
We know that even our sincere attempts to help may seem inadequate, but sincere they are and we hope, yes, fervently hope that our insights might prove to be slightly of your help, although we know that ultimately it is YOU who have to rise above the pain and despair and emerge wiser, safer and healthier from the experience.
Our suggestions should we say, may sound a bit unconventional as you know , we in Fried Eye have a “other” viewpoint about everything under the sun, but we are sure you will see through.
Being with friends and family
We know it may sound a bit insensitive, but friends and family may not always be the pillar of strength as suggested. Family- still might be , but friends may unknowingly and unwittingly aggravate the already existing discomfort. It is common knowledge that the situation brings out the worst in you. Jealousy, bitterness, frustration , irritability,- you simply cannot avid them.
A happy couple will raise pangs of jealousy in you; a slight remark said jokingly will either result in deluge of tears or an equally violent reaction and so on.
So if you desire for some moments of solitude and a break from everything, it is quite justified. Just have someone as a silent support ;someone whom you trust and who you know will listen to you unconditionally , without being judgemental; one who will be there for you, without intruding.
Again , we will suggest that you stay away from social networking sites for the same reasons and especially because we wouldn’t want you to run into a happy engagement photograph of your love, which is quite possible if you have many common friends in your circle.
Of course you will have to face the fact one day, but not necessarily when you are your fragile most state of mind. You can always avoid the circus if you are not ready.
Keep busy. Create an alternate universe.
Busy as in the mind and not necessarily physically , but if you can do that, it isn’t a bad idea either. Crate and immerse yourself in your imaginery world or alternate universe by reading books, watching movies that you have always wanted but had never found time, paint , write –anything thing that makes you feel alive. Yes it is escapism, but we escape to survive, right? It isn’t a situation where a fight or war will lead you anywhere, so why not a bit of escapism. Your universe may tug your heartstrings; it may make you cry, or make you curse- all as catharsis but catharsis in an alternate world is more desireable than in the real world.
Wait is never over.
Another mistake we commonly make is we wait. We wait for a second chance, we wait out of hope, we wait for a return, – wait for a revenge; we wait our whole lives.
Do not wait, move on. Move on to someone else, some place else; Move on in life, because time and life keeps moving and so does the other person.
If you want a second chance from life then you have to move on just to keep up with life, because if you don’t then you just stay back where you are- alone.
Be a pillar of strength.
Be a pillar of strength to someone weaker than yu to make you keep going. Yes, this works. You must have heard many women speak ,”if my children hadn’t been there, I would have killed myself”. Their need, kept the women going.
So adopt a pet, adopt a child, sponsor an underpriviledged child, go to your grand parents who stay alone and be the light of their life. The responsibilities, the dependence will give you the much needed boost. Their blind trust will soothe your damaged soul.
Most importantly all the real burdens and rsponsibilities will practically drive out all your blues and grief as you spend and devote your time and energy on them.
Restore your self confidence.
Your self confidence and ego takes a direct hit in a rejection or emotional betrayal. You tend to take it personally and many a time it might not be a betrayal, rather circumstances could be at play but of course you will not be in an emotional state of mind to understand that.
So the next best course of action would be to restore your self confidence (not your worth of course) You are important to the world. You will always be. All you need to do is realise that and that too in your own way.
Learn a new art form if that helps or shop and pamper yourself. Emerge yourself in work and earn accolades from your superiors. Anything and everything that makes you realise that you are needed because our saying so will not be able to convince you.
And finally, live!
You might feel desolate, desparate and helpless.You tried everything but you still have a death wish. You still do not want to go on anymore, then we lost in spite of our best efforts.
We know it sounds hard and selfish, but if you still feel that nothing, nothing at all means to you- family, friends- then you do not have to go like a coward. Do something for the country , for the people- go, join the armed forces or more specifically the bomb disposal squad, volunteer yourself to serve in an AIDS clinic. That way at least you will redeem yourself in yours and everyone’s eyes.
We know it is a difficult time. Fate wasn’t with you but life hasn’t deserted you for a reason and so you shouldn’t give up on life either. We have to survive till we are meant to survive.
We welcome your comments at firstname.lastname@example.org