7 ways to cope up when your beloved gets married to someone else!

COPE UP!!

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Honestly speaking there really are no fixed set of rules or codes of conduct for the said situation. Nor do we claim our writeup to be a sort of survival guide.

These are simply some seemingly hypothetical suggestions which have a degree of feasibility for a situation that is as real as real can be..

No one can really fathom the silent suffering , the pain one goes through at such a situation and not even the most explicit of movies or books can recreate it in their creative expressions.

We know that even our sincere attempts to help may seem inadequate, but sincere they are and we hope, yes, fervently hope that  our insights might prove to be slightly of your help, although we know that ultimately it is YOU who have to rise above the pain and despair and emerge wiser, safer and healthier from the experience.

Our suggestions should we say, may sound a bit unconventional as you know , we in Fried Eye have a “other” viewpoint about everything under the sun, but we are sure you will see through.

 

Being with friends and family 

We know it may sound a bit insensitive, but friends and family may not always be the pillar of strength as suggested. Family- still might be , but friends  may unknowingly and unwittingly aggravate the already existing discomfort. It is common knowledge that the situation brings out the worst in you. Jealousy, bitterness, frustration , irritability,- you simply cannot avid them.

A happy couple will raise pangs of jealousy in you; a slight remark  said jokingly  will either result in deluge of tears or an equally violent reaction and so on.

So if you desire for some moments of solitude and a break from everything, it is quite justified. Just have someone as a silent support ;someone whom you trust and who you know will listen to you unconditionally , without being judgemental; one who will be there for you, without intruding.

 

Social networking

Again , we will suggest that you stay away from social networking sites  for the same reasons and especially because we wouldn’t want you to run into a happy engagement photograph of your love, which is quite possible if you have many common friends in your circle.

Of course you will have to face the fact one day, but not necessarily when you are your fragile most state of mind. You can always avoid the circus if you are not ready.

 

Keep busy. Create an alternate universe.

Busy as in the mind and not necessarily physically , but if you can do that, it isn’t a bad idea either. Crate and immerse yourself in your imaginery world or alternate universe by reading books, watching movies that you have always wanted but had never found time, paint , write –anything thing that makes you feel alive. Yes it is escapism, but we escape to survive, right? It isn’t a situation where a fight or war will lead you anywhere, so why not a bit of escapism. Your universe may tug your heartstrings; it may make you cry, or make you curse- all as catharsis  but catharsis in an alternate world is more desireable than in the real world.

 

Wait is never over.

Another mistake we commonly make is we wait. We wait for a second chance, we wait out of hope, we wait for a return, – wait for a revenge; we wait our whole lives.

Do not wait, move on. Move on to someone else, some place else; Move on in life, because time and life keeps moving and so does the other person.

If you want a second chance from life then you have to move on just to keep up with life, because if you don’t  then you just stay back where you are- alone.

 

Be a pillar of strength.

Be a pillar of strength to someone weaker than yu to make you keep going. Yes, this works. You must have heard many women speak ,”if my children hadn’t been there, I would have killed myself”. Their need, kept the women going.

So adopt a pet, adopt a child, sponsor an underpriviledged child, go to your grand parents who stay alone and be the light of their life. The responsibilities, the dependence will give you the much needed boost.  Their blind trust will soothe your damaged soul.

Most importantly all the real burdens and rsponsibilities will practically drive out all your blues and grief as you spend and devote your time and energy on them.

 

Restore your self confidence.

Your self confidence and ego takes a direct hit in a rejection or emotional betrayal. You tend to take it personally and many a time it might not be a betrayal, rather circumstances could be at play but of course you will not be in an emotional state of mind to understand that.

So the next best course of action would be to restore your self confidence (not your worth of course) You are important to the world. You will always be. All you need to do is realise that and that too in your own way.

Learn a new art form if that helps or shop and pamper yourself. Emerge yourself in work and earn accolades from your superiors. Anything and everything that makes you realise that you are needed because our saying so will not be able to convince you.

 

And finally, live!

You might feel desolate, desparate and helpless.You tried everything but you still have a death wish. You still do not want to go on anymore, then we lost in spite of our best efforts.

We know it sounds hard and selfish, but if you still feel that nothing, nothing at all means to you- family, friends- then you do not have to go like a coward. Do something for the country , for the people- go, join the armed forces or more specifically the bomb disposal squad, volunteer yourself to serve in an AIDS clinic. That way at least you will redeem yourself in yours and everyone’s eyes.

We know it is a difficult time. Fate wasn’t with you but life hasn’t deserted you for a reason and so you shouldn’t give up on life either. We have to survive till we are meant to survive.

 

 

We welcome your comments at letters@friedeye.com

5 Comments

5 Comments
  1. Papiya Sircar

    The solutions provided are real facts of life, its like finding another reason to live.and whatever Amit sir said is to face the adversity.But I believe its not so easy, seeing our beloved with someone else as once we used to be a part of their life.Accepting the fact is like sacrificing oneself.It is true love is all of sacrifice and compromise, but seeing the other person moving on is as painful as a poisonous snake.it tears you apart from inside.At the initial stage we just can’t digest it, sharing your love with someone is something heart doesn’t support.Gradually with time we may end up in accepting but not so fast.And personally when I go through all those memories, gifts and all it makes me more weak and I just end up crying.sometimes I feel like doing suicide, but I know this can’t be a solution.I really don’t know how to acquire my strength, how to regain trust.I will try the methods you provided.Thanks.

  2. Bijoy Kumar

    That was indeed refreshing Amit, but it will definitely take a lot of time and patience to get over these things and be normal once agin. thats if you indeed loved some one so deeply that your life was indeed that person

  3. bt Fried Eye – why to profess of avoiding the problem/pain …
    in my profession we are taught to face the problem/pain …
    Avoidance is momentary .. it won’t solve the purpose. It is an illusion so why to teach someone to fall for illusions in life. Life is a journey of pain and pleasures ..
    “kabhi sukh toh kabhi dukh ” and that is how the life goes on.
    One has to cope with it the way which is real .. the more you would do things to avoid memories, pl take my words the more you gonna remember it.
    but still I do agree with you … they might get a solution the way you wanna show them so my best wishes are with them 🙂
    happy new yr to you and to the complete fried eye team 🙂 prosper and grow exponentially in the hearts of your readers.

  4. Fried Eye (Author)

    Thank you Amit for that insightful remark. We are glad that you have taken it so calmly and in a very matured way. Well you certainly have risen above the occasion and you are cent percent right. We would just like to say that our article is for those who might have not attain that level of spiritual calmness as of yours and definitely it is YOU who have to find a way out of your turmoil. Thanks much

  5. why to do all these things and afterall what for all this ?
    Just to avoid memories so that it doesn’t give you pain … C’mon if one is afraid of so much of pain then I must say – don’t be sissy.
    “People go but their memories don’t ever leave you.”
    so do not indulge yourself in all these fights like – do’s and don’ts.
    do what you feel like.
    see the pictures, whenever you miss her ( in my case )/him …
    read the mails/ letters/ greeting cards
    flip through the pages of your diary if u ever maintained them ..
    have a look at the beauty of the gifts which she/he send you …
    try to remember good times which you could spend together.
    Yeah no doubt pain would always be there, provided your love was true and trust me this pain would never go but yes you would be man enough to bear with this pain with due course of time.
    we always miss our dear ones once they depart from us … and there is no way out …
    and in a way it is the real check that did you really love someone or not.
    Few people would say wrong things about your loved ones – pl do not adhere to them. ofcourse , it was her/his life and she/he felt to live away from you .. she/he chose someone else over you ( whatever be the reasons ) so try to respect her/his decision. that is all maximum you can do.
    mail her/him at times whenever your heart feels not because you want her/him to come back in your life , just because your love is still fresh as blossoming bud 🙂
    and do not ever think what would happen to your future would be – she or he would cope with this and your future would be mature enough she/he gonna take you soon out of this.
    so just live your life.
    do not forget your good times and do not curse yourself or your love ever.
    P.S. – personal experience 🙂 she recently got married but departed three years back.

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