SICK Commenting

By Hillarium

 

Sick commenting! Sounds dreadful right? But halt! It is nothing about diseases or ailments. Nor am I trying to malign any breed or creed of homo sapiens who very frequently indulge in commenting and complimenting at whatever that might catch their fancy, which spells to almost everything.

SICK here means- Should I reveal? Well it’s ok I guess to share this little secret of a very secret society.

Have you noticed, many a time, how people comment with flair and lovely words and emoticons on social media posts while you are at it with your measly supply of “awesome, nice, and lovely”. The difference is so stark that you almost delete your own comment or go for the easiest way out – Just like the posts at random.

What makes a few so articulate and politically correct yet humorous and interesting while your dreadful “awesome” is lost all but in ignominy. And you sigh in sheer helplessness at your lack of suitable reactions, right?

But unfortunately I really do not know, what makes some people do so well with words. Instead I came across this secret society which might be an answer to us poor souls who are so constipated as far as complimenting and encouraging are concerned.

SICK commenting here means Society of Intellectually Captivating and Knowledgeable commenting! Out of the world isn’t it? Yes it is! And guess what! I managed to steal some of their ideas in a covert clandestine operation which was dangerous to say the least. Not enough to form The holy bible of  SICK commenting but I am sure this will certainly save the day for many and make your presence in the Social Media an enviable one.

Safest Bet – Safest bet though it is said to be to just Like a post silently, however it is best to expand your vocabulary with some more words that denotes pleasure or emotion in huge amount- “Brilliant, awe-inspiring, moved, touched, enlightening, thoughtful, dainty, colourful, exquisite, ethereal, ephemeral, consummate, prodigious (don’t ask me what the last three meant but it sounds nice…) and so on’. Do keep a strict lookout for such words. Join some poetry group or befriend a few poets. You bet your collection of superlatives will grow at an exponential level.

Share– Another sure shot way of impressing and imposing upon the person in question with your seemingly higher level of intellect is to just say – Sharing it. Nothing endears oneself to a person more than by letting him /her know that his /her copy pasted words from an obscure website is worth being copy pasted again to be shared in a larger scale. You will score quite a number of brownie points with your acquaintance by letting him / her know how valuable you find his/her words. So when in doubt, just share/retweet it!

Quote/Link – This is particularly useful when the concerned person is posting a biggie quote or posting a formidable sounding link from some equally formidable sounding website, e.g. – The Guardian, USA today. Daily Mail, Daily Planet or whatever! And like an Antakshri game, you post another quote or a link on the relevant subject with the addendum-‘ I read this one also’. (And please make it a point to read, if not read -throw a cursory glance at it so that you are not embarrassed to death, if someone asks you what it is about). This will lead the person and also his /her other friends to somewhat believe how well informed or well read person you are on that subject – be it fashion or about the slow extinction of blue crested red robins for that matter.

Repeat – The ‘repeat’ technique cannot be used on all kinds of post but it leaves quite an impact in creative posts like- poetry, micro fiction, rhetoric, joke etc. You just – Repeat the punch line or the tag line and add an adjective or superlative to it after preferably three dots for more effect. It has more punch than saying just “Beautiful or Poignant”. The person or readers will be fooled into believing that you have got the underlying message or the thought in its entirety. And your brilliance will shine through them poor folks.

 The LOL helpline – One thing that flies a lot in social media is humor! Some are true wisecracks who have an equally humorous retort. Yes they even fart humor! For obvious reasons you might not be endowed with that talent. No worries. This is the easiest to tackle. Humorists or Comics for once do not want a retort or smart ass comments. All they wish is for laughter. So a Ha Ha Ha or Lol , ROFL, LMAO will be perfect for them. If you want more impact – LOLOLOL .

Even more than that LOLOLOL , ROFL, LMAO

And even more – then add smileys! In fact lol or Ha ha or a smiley is used best to end a conversation or a thread that is going nowhere. It is the TaTa Bye Bye of the social media, you can say.

Pictures say thousand words – So with social media going all snazzy and sharp, now you can even post pictures in your comments. And even the net is filled with picture messages or compliments, which you can download at the click of a button. Next time, you want to be colorfully articulate, no no! You are not going to use a cuss word! What you are going to do is just post a picture comment! But this again works in casual chit chat where the tone leans towards the humorous. Not fit for use when the content is about the oppression of the Zulu tribes by the British or the mysterious case of the extinction of the Neanderthals.

Since some will post Serious issues or Concerns where you need to put in your two pence , let’s see how to deal with that! Serious issues are a matter of concern…yeah matter of concern to you particularly because it mostly continues as a debate. And if you fall short of reasonable arguments or steam , it wont take long for you to be certified a Jackass. So in such cases- Safe bet – Concur with whatever the person posts, interrupted of course with the dots and pauses! Remember Vajpayee? If possible use words to denote your grieve or shock as the case maybe like – Shocking! Deep! Deeply touching! Aggrieved! Outrageous! My heart bleeds etc etc!

 Or as I had mentioned earlier, just post a counter link or a concur link depending on the materials you have on that.

A genuine advice – Don’t linger too much on such ‘serious’ posts. The risks of making a public fool of oneself as well as of the other increases with the number of comments you post on such.

And finally the Hearts – Post a lot of hearts if you are on a friendly mushy level of relationship. You can get away with anything by posting Hearts, more so if you are a female. A heart will take your score 50 percent up north more than mere words.

So these were all that I could filch from the SICK Commentors . Hope it helps you in your pursuit of SICK Commenting. Good Luck!

We welcome your comments at letters@friedeye.com

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