“You will know when you have your kids” .. I still remember this from the countless scoldings my mother showered on me. For every time I disappointed her, she made it look as if her sorrow is more than my humiliation. i always thought I would never scold my kids like she scolds me. Now the thought itself makes me feel a little guilty but never leaves without a smile. Not that the dialogue has changed ! Only the scoldings ahve turned into a funny arguement at times.
Today when I see a baby fail, the look in his eyes,the will to keep trying,and at times running back to mothers; It all makes me want to sort things for the kid , only to see him smile. But I am not his mother, I remind myself. And yet I feel for him. I am no one’s mother, I realize just like the the barren land below my feet. And I wish flowers would cover this land soon.i feel for the land too. As if its an extension of me. am still single , and yet I want nothing more than a kid. All the years that I spent searching for love , they seem to mean nothing now as I crave for the touch of a baby. In a story I read long time back, the king asks “what makes one a mother – giving birth to the kid or raising the kid?” I say no one or nothing makes you a mother. You are a mother always or never.
Funny how it reminds me of the scene between Kajol and Kareena in “we are family’ ( Not that i love this movie more than the original ) . Every female sure is born with motherly instincts and you can see that all around you. The way I treat my younger brother is no different from how my mom treats him, just for the fact he is 10 years younger than me. Some of my friends too say that I am more of a mother to them than friend at times of crisis. “Maa” was a nickname some friends gave me 3 years back. First i felt little hurt, wondering am I really that old and dominating. but later i realized if my love and care earns me such a prestigious nick, so be it. I atleast have to live upto it. I still love each of my friend the same way. Not that i think of others as innocent kids. But i do realizze we all have a kid hidden in our hearts. The one that needs to be pampered the most all times. Make that kid love you , and you have made the person love you for a lifetime.
This mother’s day I do not want to thank my mom for just raising me well and being my best friend. But I want to tell her that she can be assured her grandchildren would be scolded as much as her kids have been. I might not be as good as her when I have my own kids , but the life lessons she has passed on to me , have helped many a kids around, some as old as me.
Love you Ma.
and love to my friends.
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