‘Whoa! Why me?’ Was my first reaction when Fried Eye asked me to write something for the special Valentine’s Day issue of Fried Eye. For my friends I am the perpetual ‘Jane Kyon Log Pyar Karte Hai’ type of guy. Now I don’t think I will end up falling in love like Amir Khan in the movie Dil Chahta Hai. I have always avoided falling in love like the plague. I know I will be treated like a heretic if I say something against falling in love on the occasion of Valentine’s Day and some people are going to gun for my head. But since I have been asked to write about my point of view I am writing it though I am sure no one is going to read this.
Why did you never have a girlfriend? Were you ever ditched by someone? -These are some of the questions I am usually bombarded with by my friends and aunts. Being single, it seems, is regarded a sin nowadays. Much the way being in love was regarded a sin centuries ago. Here I want to make something very clear at the very outset that I am not a misogynist nor am I gay . I don’t think a girl is a gateway to hell or that she is just a bunch of negative traits… I just avoid falling in love for some very practical reasons and I think I have a point.
Unlike some people I do not think love as a panacea to everything. I do not believe Love can do wonders for you when your boss is yelling at you for no reason or your subordinates are behaving like prehistoric fossils who expect you to do the most elementary brain work for them. Love does not make things easy for you as claimed by films and novels. On the contrary it makes life difficult for some people. I have seen a lot of people falling in and out of love for silly reasons. I have also seen men being exploited by their girlfriends and women being humiliated and treated like playthings by their boyfriends all in the name of love. If love is blind it would be wise on our part to prevent such blindness. I am not one of those people who think that life is incomplete without a lover and therefore I won’t waste my valuable time running after it.
I am not saying that love is bad and everyone should avoid it. What I am trying to say is that you can live without it. Before taking a giant leap we should do some SWAT analysis as we do in case of investments and other decisions. It may be quite possible that you do not have the qualities to be a successful lover.
I find it difficult to believe that someone can love you if you have no quality to be loved. I am an ordinary human being with a lot of imperfections and I do not expect any girl to dream about me. Yet I do not want to waste my time thinking about it and trying to be the Mr. Charming of every girl’s dreams. I cannot rewind my life to my childhood and restart myself to be Mr. Perfect. Nor do I want to create a false impression about myself. I am an ordinary guy and my self respect prevents me from letting someone have pity on me by saying she loves me.
According to sociologists people who do not grow up with siblings or other kids can never make good lovers or spouses. Having never been raised with other kids I don’t know how to adjust with people and am sure will make a horrible life partner. So I feel I don’t have the right to make someone’s life miserable.
Yes I have been attracted to girls. I also have spent crazy moments dreaming about a perfect someone who can love me with my imperfections. But I do not let those unrealistic thoughts overpower me. Self control is what distinguishes human beings from animals.
Not being involved in a love affair is a conscious decision on my part and I have no regrets about it. Contrary to the belief that single people are miserable, I am leading a perfect life. I have a lot of things to keep me occupied all the time. I have my job, my books, my computer, my thoughts, my parents and a group of trusted friends. As physically challenged people can live without certain limbs, romantically challenged people like me can also live like other people. However I expect people to accept my single status and stop giving weird looks when I say I have never been in love
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