Confessions of a pervert

‘All humans are innately perverse’ – Sigmund Freud

Perversion is a concept describing those types of human behavior that deviate from that which is understood to be orthodox or normal. The definition might say anything but the word is popularly used as a sexually derogatory term. In a way that it is almost synonymous with anyone having the tendency to rape. However, this is not always the case. There are many types of perverts and the encyclopedia lists more than 100 types of sexual perversions.

There are perverts everywhere. There are seemingly good or harmless variety of perverts and there are bad perverts. There are perverts sans any emotions, and there are sensible perverts. There are perverts who have control over their perversion and their are others who don’t have any control. There are all types of perverts around us.

And if I have to go by the definition I am afraid I have to call myself a pervert as I can go to the length of saying that I don’t believe in the traditional thought of thinking all women to be either mother or sister or daughter. I think that basically all women are objects of desire, as I desire their company but that does not mean I will rip them apart at the first opportunity. There are two forms of desire – desire as in lust and a desire in adoration. And I admit shamelessly that I fall under the category of desiring them in adoration . Even after 10 years of pledging in school that all Indians are my brothers and sisters, I could not change this thinking of mine.

If I was given to rate a woman in a scale of 1 to 10, the most important factor to be scored would be based on her physical beauty and raw appeal. In a way, this sort of thinking is perfectly normal and I don’t find any reason to believe this behaviour as perversion. I believe, it is same with women also, and in fact sexual liberty is one of the top rights in neo-feminism.

Women, over the journey of my life had been my best friends. I am much more comfortable with a woman than when I am with a man. They are much more reliable than men, if you know how to trust them. Even though I respect every women in my life and I find myself extremely lucky to have them in my life, I cannot stop myself from having sexual thoughts about a few of them once in a while when suddenly my eyes flicker in realisation of her beauty and gaze and marvel in awe at the exquisite creature bordering on the divine in front of me. I am sure most of you had these sort of moments.

I was born pure and innocent like every other child in this universe. So what went wrong? How did this moment come when I have to dwell in self doubt about my intentions and my supposed perversions? Well here is the answer. I think that my family went careless or maybe too careful in my upbringing- and then there was some idiotic elder friend who liked to share their dirty thoughts with a child. And then the chain-sessions of non-veg jokes started and without knowing I grew up believing that an admirer of a woman in all her physical grandiosity is a pervert. No, don’t get me wrong, cracking non-veg jokes doesn’t make you pervert but it might lead  you to demarcate unjustly between perversion and non perversion

I worship a woman in her entire femininity. Every curve and smile holds a kind of fascination for me. I definitely do not believe in rape, but yes I do believe in love-making love is a fantasy that is dear to me. I want women, but I want women in love, not in hate or dread. And if wanting a women is perversion, be it hate or in love , than I am guilty on that count.

But the way things are going nowadays, with all those news of rapes I sometimes get frightened that I will lose my freedom of being a so called ‘pervert” and I will not be able to dole in awe at all the women around me.

I wish that the day never comes and I continue being a pervert.