A school settled in the heart of a small town could never had prepared me for anything that the college settled on outskirts of the hottest city in Haryana taught me. They say Life is all about lessons you miss to learn. My college life was full of lessons I learned and chose to hide deep inside my memories.
Silence became not just my ally but a forced company by the end of first month. I was the rebel junior in hostel – one who had questions for every rule. I refused to understand why I should not look into my seniors eye and talk (something that makes me feel so foolish now ) . I would go quiet in front of seniors so as not to ask questions but it was taken as an insult. When my own batch mates boycotted a girl for supposedly buttering the seniors , I was alone to go talk to her. And yet , I alone was blamed to start the boycott and being smart one to end it too. Duh ! My mom would have laughed over me having such brains. The outspoken not so much , I was just always curious and would not follow any one blindly. And that earned me neither friends nor foes. Just a lot of loneliness which I filled with books. I did make a few special friends in college and some of them I wish I would be still in touch. But none of the people ever realized who I really was as a person. They never tried to look beyond the silent shy girl who refused to come for any party or outing. Who preferred to be alone than be in the company of guys and girls trying their best to impress each other. Who was happy with the guy who liked solving crosswords with her and yet had to abandon the activity when people talked. You see the college did not mind the gossip, but I did. And that’s one thing that I have never learned to handle yet. I learned that if you have to leave one friend to keep the older one happy , that decision will not stop haunting you for years. Losing a friend to keep some one happy doesn’t come easy. The forced decision will affect so many of your decisions in coming years without your realization. From the friend I left , I learned how to accept such decisions gracefully and never still desert the person. From my two roomies I learned how not to attract or impress guys who are way beyond my intellect. From those guys I learned how easy it is to make fool of most of them. Some teachers taught me one should be born into a particular caste to get marks while others hit on the fact that hard work is all you need to be in good books of people. I realized i could be a wonderful teacher since i loved helping people from any stream or year ( i was good in making any one understand and learn the theory part ). Thats one dream I still hold to fulfill some day . I learned that easiest way to tarnish a lady’s image is to paint her as a slut and hardest thing to amend is a guy’s trust. From some couples I learned the beauty of loyalty. The current FB pics of wedding anniversaries are beautiful. Some lovers make me feel sad at the shades we color our love – not always the innocent red or pink. Friends seeked are not always the way you wished or thought then to be. The indifferent ones are some times the only people who care. Some seniors made me promise never to be that insensitive , some became the elder sister I so always wished for.
The 4 years in that world taught me a lot of such facts which I never acknowledged well. 6 years have passed since I left college and yet , over the years the lessons did repeat. I was forced to remember some , I used some for myself or friends. But the lessons stay stuck in corners of mind. The memories are bitter sweet and the events all hazy. I neither love the place nor as much hate it. All I can say with surety is , every college makes or breaks you in all ways possible. Its how you gather and emerge out of it that defines the years to come.
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