Before I go ahead with this, I should probably give a disclaimer. I am not antisocial, and although I don’t really understand antisocial people, I follow the “to each his own” principle, because of which antisocial people and I have peacefully coexisted so far. So while whatever I say next should not to be misconstrued as being anti-antisocial, it should be noted that I am anti-fakeness. Always. But let’s just admit it; who really likes a fake person?
In my, ahem, twenty seven years of life, I have met quite a lot of people, made quite a lot of friends, and sadly enough, learnt quite a lot of lessons that I wish I had learned in any way other than by brutal awakening to the reality of a person being, well, fake. But while I can excuse an antisocial person pretending to be social (for obvious reasons) what I absolutely abhor is the person who claims to be antisocial but is in reality not. So here’s my breakdown for the so called “social” people, the extroverts, the “I don’t mind conversations with random strangers” kind who wish to prevent such confusion in future. The telltale signs, if you have it, to know when to be understanding with a person for his lack of social skills or desire to be social, and when to know that in the not so distant future you will be carelessly tossed over in favor of other company without being given a genuine reason and instead will be patronized with the blanket statement “It’s just that I am antisocial, you see”.
Real antisocial people do not wear their ‘being antisocial’ like a badge.
Yes, that’s right. You will never hear a true antisocial person proclaiming, “I am antisocial”. Simply because if a person is truly antisocial, the people close to them would know without their having said anything. However, in dire circumstances (more like when in the company of a rather thick headed person who needs to be told in blunt words) when push comes to shove, they will state the fact almost helplessly, not taking pleasure out of pointing out the obvious. They are not extremely proud of it, and neither are they ashamed of it. They just are antisocial, and there’s nothing they can, or will do about it.
Fake antisocial people, on the other hand, are extremely proud of claiming to belong to that seemingly special group of people who wouldn’t be bothered with the humdrum of mundane conversation. They make it known they couldn’t care less about what’s happening in other people’s lives but this detachment stems from nothing but the fact that they are too self involved to spare anyone else any thought or consideration. You will hear them sigh and say, “I am antisocial, because I don’t like talking to people” and in undertones, “And hence I am above you, because I don’t concern myself with other people’s business”
Real antisocial people don’t spend hours on Facebook.
I mean, hullo, it’s a social networking site. Two words real antisocial people hate: social and networking. A real antisocial person doesn’t put up status updates, definitely not the “feeling happy/bored/meh” kind. They don’t feel the desire to share each thought that strikes them with this group of virtual friends. Oh, and a real antisocial person does not have friends-they-don’t-know on their friend list. A real antisocial person has privacy settings that turns their profile into a veritable Fort Knox, and you will definitely not find album after album of their photos floating on their profile either.
A fake antisocial, on the other hand, is quite the silent Facebook enthusiast. Because they are so self involved (refer to previous point) they believe that while they would rather not be subjected to such trivialities like other’s lives, that doesn’t mean their “friends” should be deprived of the pearls of wisdom that stem from their (the fake antisocial’s) brilliant mind. They also love to share the interesting happenings in their lives on Facebook, and keep the whole “Oh I am so antisocial” card to be played when they are accused of not being in touch with the happenings in others’ lives.
Real antisocial people don’t care a lot about instant messaging.
True story, I have a friend on Whatsapp whose last seen timestamp shows a date from last month, who never is online on Facebook chat, and has, “Busy, don’t disturb” as his Google Talk status since time immemorial. Just to drive the first point home, well, he never has to tell me he is antisocial. But coming back to instant messaging, it is true; the real antisocial would never make themselves available for random chit chat that ensues from that green button next to their name. Their “last seen” on Whatsapp would probably be a date from ages ago. Most of the times, they would be in “invisible” mode just so they have the option to bestow someone with their time, only if and when they desire.
The fake antisocial, on the other hand, sneaks a peek into their Whatsapp multiple times a day, and are unabashed enough to not take the effort to hide it. Even though it is as simple as “Settings>Chat settings>Advanced settings>Last seen timestamp>Off”. They conveniently let their friends of choice know that they are connected, and for the rest, there’s always the antisocial card to be played, even though the timestamp says otherwise. They sneak peek into Facebook chat at times too, but quickly escape at the slightest “Hi!” from someone they don’t wish to talk to.
Real antisocial people are not selective about who they wish to be antisocial to
Being antisocial has nothing to do with convenience for the real antisocial people. They interact with people they absolutely have to and for the rest, they make no exceptions. I mean, if you have an antisocial friend who doesn’t stay in touch with you, you can rest assured that they aren’t in touch with anyone else either.
The fake antisocial, on the other hand, are quite selective about whom they wish to be antisocial with. The keyword here is convenience. If they realize that it is convenient to be in touch with someone, they will diligently do so. If not, that’s when they choose to be antisocial. Because it is more convenient to announce that you are antisocial than to try and justify why staying in touch with someone despite their many attempts to do so is such a pain for you.
I could carry on in this thread for longer, but since the salient points have been pointed out, I think my work here is done. There are many more subtle differences between the real antisocial and the fake antisocial, but it will take more prolonged observation and frankly speaking, I can think of better ways of spending time than to spend it in the company of someone who claims to be antisocial and yet updates their status about where we are and what we are doing and what we are drinking even as I try to engage them in mundane conversation. As per them, because you know, they are antisocial and can’t be bothered.
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