It is a good time to change

August 1, 2010 Off By Miss Cellany

Dear Diary,

There was something darker and mistier than the chilly nights throughout last week. It was something more than the late night dew – a whisper of wind carried from the distant land I had just left and loved. Or I hoped it was.

Quitting the job wasn’t easy, but was essential. It was time to move on and life had firmly made the decision. Moved out of town to a new place, and make a fresh start. To carry the wealth of gifts, memories and advices was optional, and I did so with all my willingness.

The last one week was terrible, I just could NOT make sense of what Chirstopher Nolan wanted to say inspite of hours contemplating, going upto page 10 of “Inception” Google search results, and following the hashtag on Twitter for days. If I ain’t getting it the first time I see it, it ain’t worth it. That includes re-reading the Wikipedia entry 17 times. “Dream on, fan boys. Just don’t get anywhere near me,” I wrote on Reddit.

But it was suddenly disturbing, the memories I mean. Reddit is always disturbing, and Inception & the whole “memories” talk was anything but disturbing. But here I was confused than never before as the past kept coming back to me, the pain intesifying where it began, leaving me as a goodwill deprived lifeless mound of flesh. Unbathed, I might add.

As I sat down staring at the bare screen of my desktop, everything else seemed empty too. I was not used to my laptop screen empty. Off yes, empty no. Tears swelled my eyes. They turned dark and misty. I finally understood what was troubling me. I was missing who I was.

I switched the computer off and staring at my reflection on the screen, I sized myself up. I was a loner, always trying to expand my “uncomfortable zone.” Taking up challenges and winning them gave me adreline, a further push in believing the purpose of life. For all I knew about me, I hunted down troubles and vowed to beat them. It was my decision to move out – take up bigger responsibilities, see greater success from nothing.

“And if anything, I’m going to make it as beautiful and worthwhile of crying when leaving, just like the last one!” I told myself as I slammed the lid of the laptop shut.

The tears now represented the dew on the leaves at dawn, the mist of the fog. It was a new dawn.

Ahh! The end is always there.. and there is a new beginning.
Phoenix rises from its ashes, a new born thing.
The sun rises too, just after the dark dawn.
This is life my friend, a new day has come.

A new day has come. Its time to say good-bye to who I was. It was time to grow from a hedonist into a matured, calculated, strong-minded and an abstinent individual. In short, an aunty. Yes, a new day has come.

Aha! A dose of absolute self-praise (with no retort to remind) always works. So this is called internal motivation. I feel so much better now.

Signing off,

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