The great thing about being single apart from the obvious benefit of not having to stare at only one girl is the freedom you get whenever you want to have that glass of fine red wine in a party. In each of my previous relationships, almost all my girls were absolute wine haters, and I couldn’t manage to get them to change their views even after making them listen to a cardiologist about the ‘so called’ benefits of red wine. Can you believe it? Of course, that was one of the reasons for my breakups. But, let’s not get into that here. After all, it’s considered bad manners to wash your dirty linen in public, isn’t it?

You must be wondering, how this guy who doesn’t answer questions anymore has suddenly appeared and without so much of an explanation starts giving us fundas about why wine hating girls won’t make a good girlfriend! Well you are right to think that I don’t know anything about either wine or its health benefits, but as Hogwarts very aptly mentions in its tagline “Never tickle the whiskers’ of a sleeping dragon.”, so you absolutely shouldn’t do that. Yes, I am the dragon here, and yes my whiskers’ were tickled in the last issue. My very good friend Miss Cellany decided to do that great act of courage on her part. She was very enthusiastic about how to plan your perfect date, and it was all so full of romance that she forgot to mention just one tiny detail in her piece. I am here today to fill that gap and save every one of you out there.

The sad truth of the matter is that “Boys should never ever plan, nay even think about a perfect date”. This whole concept of a perfect date is fictituous. Well in some rare cases, the dates do materialize into something close to perfection, but then that is entirely the handiwork of the guy rather than that of the girl. Think about what I have just said, take a moment and delve deep into your ‘perfect’ dates. Did the girl really do anything other than sit, and talk useless crap that you were not bothered about? She didn’t, right? So our Miss Cellany used so many technical terms like aura, music, ambience and what not. I was shit scared! I thought, My God what is this girl up to; such blasphemy in public forum? This had to stop. So, here I am to save you all.

First and foremost, the most dangerous thing for a boy is the idea of a perfect date that a girl has. It’s this idea that has made or broken many relationships that I have seen. The girl assumes that the guy will do something very special for her, and when he doesn’t than she is shattered beyond belief and thinks that the whole male population are just pigs.

Secondly, if you manage to make your date very close to perfect than the expectations on you are raised so high that however hard you try the girl will never ever be satisfied. In any case, girls are very hard to satisfy. They think something and then do something. I am pretty sure they keep on thinking what they want, and then end up getting something that they never wanted in the first place, and which ultimately makes her desire to want the thing she wanted at first much more acute. Whoa, that was a real tough one from me; even I didn’t get what I wanted to say.

Thirdly, boys are never appreciated for a ‘perfect’ date. It’s always the girls who are credited when they have a great time. It’s always the boy who opens her car door, who reaches out to pay the bill, and it’s always the boy who has to make the first move. My oh my, is this really fair?

Now, I can keep on adding points after points why you should never listen to what Miss Cellany says, but I think this much is enough to drive my point home. I am also sure that this post by me will ruin whatever chance I had to go on a date with a ‘perfect girl’. But for me, I always consider sharing my wisdom to others above my romantic needs because  this ain’t anything personal against Miss Cellany ,but rather a sincere attempt to bust the myth of a Perfect Date.

It is common to find articles and horoscope-ic career guides advising what exactly would be the best career option for the different star signs, so for example we have advises like creative arts for the pisceans and leadership jobs for the leos etc etc. But what if I write about what should be avoided will you believe me? Ah! Do I see skeptical stares? Alright, what if I provide why they should be avoided, describing graphically , then? Fine, I do see some nods and half smiles. Lets proceed without wasting any more time

Back again to my daily grind of foreseeing and predicting other’s fortune. You see, sighting and then understanding omens is no fun, if there is no pot of gold waiting for oneself. And Bhootnath has seen that the whole of the universe has conspired to not-grant him a pot of gold this time.

So back to the daily grind and here I go with my visions:

Aquarius: The  aqua male will do nothing substantial this fortnight or maybe he will feel that he has done nothing substantial  even if he has done it. An Aquarian male is hard to satisfy. Not to be taken literally aqua female will behave as properly as before or so she will think.

Pisces: Pisces male- your happiness quotient won’t change much and even if it does, you won’t notice it.
Pisces female- your fortnight will be like a river in spate. Calm on the outside, turbulent inside. But again others won’t notice it.

Aries: Aries male will be literally on toes. Maybe you should stop peeking over some one’s head. Since you hate this you will always attempt to be in the front. Aries female will be perfectly at ease with company while the same cannot be said when alone.

Taurus: no prediction is a bad one for you neither is anything good for you. That’s the advantage of being grounded.

Gemini:  A restless fortnight ahead of you. But you will enjoy every moment of the bone breaking, brain twisting, and extracting, agonizing time ahead. Now isn’t that fun?

Cancer:  Things will be terribly slow this fortnight but that is nothing new for you. Things would have been different if I said it will be beautiful for you, but yes you will have your sameness again

Leo: A fortnight that will be enlightening to you by something unpleasant. Maybe a betrayal, an injustice or anything

Virgo: Wrong things at the right time will change your fortunes for better or for worse. While the right things at the wrong time will just make things easier to remember.

Libra: Your outcome of the fortnight depends on how sincerely you wish things to be. If you want it to be as it is it will remain so.

Scorpio: Life is one long charade for you and it’s no different this time too. But there might be occasions when you will be curious as to what you really are.

Sagittarius: There will be major distractions and so work done by you will be minimum. Minor disagreement will turn into major issues.

Capricorn: You will be on a roll. You will be rolling here and there in search of peace, piece by piece.

You know what is so sweet about personality analysis through sun signs? They always tell you about your plus points and the negative traits are presented in such a sugar coated way that even the negativity seems desirable. Or maybe it is written as a fine print so that it hardly gets noticed. But how about me stating some brutal facts about your sign? Can you face it? Oh no, I wont be judgmental. Nor will I go all preachy preachy. You can say its just a FYI thing- janhit ke liye jaari aap ke sewa mein. Come on, won’t it be fun to confirm the bad side of your spouse/ best friend/enemy ? Yes that’s a better way to perceive things I guess. So what are we waiting for?

Aries- Dominating and pompous. In fact so dominating that most of the Astro-columnists start their predictions from an Aries. They have this mania about winning and being on top and it takes a hard fall from top to get them back to reality. They think they symbolise power while I think they are poor copies of Hitler.

Taurus- Oh dear, the laziest sign of the zodiac and also the most bull headed . They stubbornly insist on inactivity and it takes a lot of will power on your part, not theirs, to put them into action. So persistently lazy they are that they redefine the word rooted to the spot. They think inactivity is the best way to prevent doing anything bad while i think.. what does it matter what I think. Will I be able to convince a Taurian ever what I think of them?

Gemini- They think confusion is cute. They are so confused most of the times that they start creating confusions just to amuse themselves when they run out of things to be confused about as because they constantly need something confusing to amuse them. They may call it superior intelligence, while I call it unnecessary confusion.

Cancer-  They are moody. God knows how they got this stupid idea but they think that moody , broody and snooty is the hippest thing in the world. A scowl comes easier to them than a smile. They think it is enigma, while I think of them as potential customers of anti wrinkle cream.

Leo- They are so full of themselves, its just “Me! Me! Me!” screaming all the way . They don’t say I love you when they propose. They say- “You love me. Do I love you?” They love to be good, they love to be wild, They love to be generous to the point of bankruptcy as long its , well right – Me. And oh God! the drama that goes with the Me. Oh dear dear. They call them selves full of mega size life. I call them megalomaniacs.

Virgo- The plainest sign in whole of the Zodiac. No drama, no passion, no extremes, cool composed, at peace and artificial to the point of becoming boring. I wonder why they don’t let themselves go; what keeps them holding back ? Is it the tag of virgin as in Virgo? They think of themselves as controlled, while I call them frigid.

Libra- Ah the balanced ones. Their whole lives hang on the dilemma- to be or not to be. Every thing has to be weighed, Every damn move calculated a thousand times; each pro and con taken into account. Every need and deed measured. I wonder if they get the time to take a deep breath and live for a moment. They think they are balanced and I agree. They are actually a balance-pair of scales in human form and nothing else.

Scorpio- My my! The most dangerous of the signs. The most revengeful and the deadliest, as the part of their brain which results in good feelings, love, kindness and forgiving has been replaced with venom. Don’t believe me? Well okay, once there was this person who once forgot to cap his pen which he again forgot to put it in his pocket. the pen remain uncapped in the desk. Coincidentally his friend who was a Scorpio who worked in another office visited him at his office and again coincidentally went up to his work desk where  the pen poked his palm. Till date the Scorpio friend hasn’t forgiven him. They think it is survival , I think it is mindless destruction.

Sagittarius-  Oh dear one of the self righteous signs, it becomes irritating after a point of time to listen to their virtuous self righteous sermons. They are full of advice- how to run one’s life to how not to, how to kill a man to how to have sex-they just have a mantra for everything. I am sure if they ever came across God, they will have a couple of advice for him too on how to run the universe. They call it the power of knowledge, I call it the power of talking gibberish convincingly.

Capricorn-  So very sure of themselves. Unlike the Sagittarians, thankfully they don’t preach; they only practise, which is worse in a way. They don’t ask for your opinion. They don’t need an approval. They just do what they think they should do irrespective of whether it is right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable. In other words this sign is the amalgamation of all the negative traits of other signs in subtler variations. If there is a devil then I am sure he was born a Capricorn. Oh by the way that reminds me, Voldermort was a Capricorni. They think they are The Devil and I don’t argue with devils.

Aquarius- The most cunningly clever sign of the zodiac. They are the diplomats. Always politically correct, never offensive, sweet enough to leave a bitter after taste and very much shifty- or in proper words everything about them varies according to the moment. In other word they are Big Pseudos. They think they are smart, I think they are over smart to the point of being repulsive.

Pisces- Pisceans ! Dreamers! As long as they are in their dream world away from our harsh reality they are perfect, but once in the real world, they are the most air headed of human species. It looks like all logic, common sense that they were bestowed upon by the maker gets lost somewhere in their dream world and what we get here on earth is a mix of illogical and irrational thinking and at sometimes no thinking at all- It’s all empty between the ears. They think the world is perfect, they are perfect, I wonder how to explain the meaning of perfect to them first.

Well that was the horrible part of being horrid in Horrorscope but what to do? Duty calls and I had to be what I was supposed to be.  Don’t take the above seriously. I thought taking it with a pinch of salt would be a welcome change from the sugar coated analysis that you all are subjected constantly. but in case you have a complaint or a query, you can mail me at bhootnath@friedeye.com

Hello friends. These days I am finding myself in a very strange spot. It is not exactly a problem, just a strange aberration. You see, my potato ball is completely smitten with Harry potter and has stopped functioning almost. Every night I have to read to it a chapter from Harry potter to keep it happy and under control. I think it identifies itself with Madame Tralawney’s crystal ball and feels a sense of importance as being related to the most important object in Harry Potter  movies/books ,as it was the prophecy that started it all. So the only images that I can evoke from it are of that of Harry Potter and co. So dear friends no predictions this fortnight…but well we can work out a go between. If you too are a Potter fan and would love to see your relation to it, then this time I can predict which Harry Potter character are you similar to? Thanks to the crazy potato ball. All you have to do is just give me your birth date. If you are not willing to give your birth year then just add up the four digits and post the sum. Trust me, nobody will be able to guess your year of birth that way , not even my potato ball. So in case your birth date is 15/06/1990 then just mention the date  as 15/6 and give the year as 1+9+9=19.So your input will be date-15/6 and sum of years -19 OK? You don’t have to give your real name either if you are too shy. I just want the date and the sum of the year. Post it in the comment section and you will receive your answer with a brief elaboration, in no time. No fees. No cash. No kind. Payment by only compliments .Just kidding! So I will be waiting…

Hello I was on a study tour in a secret hideout, a tapashya in common parley, but had to return back half done, as I was recalled by Miscellany. If a lady sends a distress call, how can I ignore it? She had asked me personally to foresee the emotional upheavals of people which is a very tough job. I have to make modifications to my Alu ball to feminize it as only the feminine gadgets can handle such a complicated issue. So the modifications I did. A little bit of sugar, a little bit of spice, a little bit of pepper- and I was done. Without any further delay as time is precious I begin…

Aries– You are in a dilemma with your resolve, now that you have taken a strong resolution to keep your resolve, but the resolve is not at all solving your problem and hence you are in a dilemma about whether your that dilemma should be dealt with a solvable solution or you should just go with your earlier resolve to stick to your resolution. Ahem!  My advice is that you should go with the resolution to solve the dilemma with a resolve to solve it without much resolution.

Taurus– A day in your fortnight shows you extremely happy and ecstatic compared to your other days in the fortnight but don’t compare that with your other ecstatic days of the other fortnights as compared to them it might not be that ecstatic and comparing them will no more make that comparatively ecstatic day of this fortnight as ecstatic as it had felt before you started comparing with other fortnights, after all fortnights are incomparable -especially ecstasy.

Gemini- Confusion had been always your forte as a fortnight full of confusions follow. You confuse a kind of confused emotion about another confused person with another confusing emotion .but good news is that you realize in time that you confused it as usual and that it will only lead to further confusion if you continue confusing your feelings. So finally you un-confuse your thoughts. Did you? Aaaargh! Now I am confused.(err Editor babu, can I skip Gemini from next time?)Just kidding just kidding!

Cancer- Ah you still brood! Your brooding will bore others and that will result in more brooding by those others on why you brood so much, which in turn will bore some more people and they will again  brood on why those others are brooding and so on it will go on affecting more and more people. You will be the sole reason for zombising a radius of around 15 kms. No doubt your sign is called Cancer.

Leo – A very fast fortnight for you. But your fastitude was never a surprise for anyone because you were fast enough to let others know that you are fast where life is concerned and a fast life should be embraced as fast as one can, if one wants to be known as a fast accomplisher. So you will be quite fast in whatever you are planning ahead but being fast doesn’t make a fast plan a perfect plan, but I guess you will learn that fast enough to correct yourself fast. Phew! Wasn’t that fast?

Virgo- Silence and peace is what you will be preferring-A detached I don’t give a damn attitude. So silence you will have …………………………………………………………………………………..

Libra- Your whole life has been about ifs and buts but of course if you don’t go for the buts there is a chance that you will mess up and if that happens it will set you back but you are one balanced person and if you keep that in mind that buts and ifs go hand in hand, you might recover from the messes unscathed. If and if only you had the knack of keeping things simple like me life would have been easier but you are not me.

Scorpio- You feel strange vibes everywhere, the coffee seems strange. The behavior of the people whom you know seems odd. The weather seems different. Google and Facebook seem changed. The colour of your clothes seems faded. The movie on Stranger tide seems ordinary, which shouldn’t have been so.  The book you are reading seems to have a different theory. The food tastes weird. The music sounds abnormally loud. What’s going on? Nothing! Just change your outlook and everything will seem same as before.

Sagittarius-  You are excited about something which is going to be exciting when it happens and you are getting excited because the day seems nearer when this exciting thing will happen, exciting you more and more just at the thought of it , and inwardly you are nervously excited thinking whether you will be able to tolerate so much excitement. Wow! Isn’t that exciting enough?

Capricorn- you have a secret that is secretly pleasing you but if you act too secretly about that, people might be secretly suspicious that you might be having some secret hidden and a group might try secretly to uncover your secret, and the secret remaining no more a secret will secretly depress someone whom you secretly love. Finally everything will become an open secret. Sigh!

Aquarius- Everything seems smooth on surface but there is a hint of un-smoothness and you aren’t having a smooth feeling about the smoothness. Maybe you should act tough and with a good cough, roughly break open the smoothness to see through the truth, though, it might be nothing as such and you will just end up with a big hearty laugh.

Pisces- Life will be slow for you. You will be counting hours during day time, counting days when sad. Counting sheep at night when sleep won’t come easily. Counting money when the month will seem to drag on. Counting on your friends when you will feel low. On account of your planetary positions the thrill will be unaccountable. Don’t count on me during those times. I will be out of the scene, so count me out.

I see colours everywhere. I seem to be flying. Technicolour .Eastman color. Oops where am I? Looks like I am in a dream a trance. Too much of bhang I guess. But eh! I can’t seem to come out of …this dream? Eh? What is it ? An omen? Hmmm… Let me just roam about in this weird dream. Maybe I too will have a best seller of a story like Inception or Alice in Wonderland.

Aries:- Whats that ? It is a sacrificial Ram? Ooof not Shri Raam. Ram as in the battering Ram? Good. Coloured with vermillion. Not a good sign. And sheesh – has started singing – Aang se aang laga ja!!!! Oh my holy potato! It signifies only one thing- an alliance. A commitment- like in marriage, live in relationship, engaged, betrothed, brother/sisterhood to a great looking girl/guy, Parenthood? Yes! Reluctant sacrificial relationships are in the offing. Beware of the colour- vermillion.(Needless to say of course).
Hey this is your destiny. You can’t chase me so.

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Dear Readers,

This time we have no predictions. We were busy working on giving you a better experience in Fried Eye. In the coming days, you will see a lot of changes in the site. I help Fried Eye in predicting what might work through my Potato Gazing. My Potato is already overworked.

I must say that the contest that we declared on Feb 1 was very impressive. It was not at all an easy contest, and we even fumbled a few times as well. It was a fun thing that came by while I was writing the predictions and later on suggested about the contest. I guess, I don’t need to say who the winner is as it is already clear that the winner is Ms. Kadambari Singhania, a very Enterprising and Talented Blogger and of course a movie buff.

Congratulations Kaddu! Do send us your mailing address and Tee – Size. We will be soon sending you a gift.

To see her entry click here.

To the other contestants- Thanks very much for your interest and efforts. We really appreciate it and hope that you will continue with your kind patronage. In fact, we also have some interesting contests lined up in our future issues which you might like to look up.

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(Feb 1, 2011-Feb 14, 2011)

How outrageous people can be with discoveries. Now they have discovered a thirteenth sign? A thirteenth Zodiac sign is sure enough Signs of trouble to come and hence I refuse to waver from my Unbreakable faith in the sun signs and instead rely on the Sixth Sense of my potato gazing ball. So down with Friday the Thirteenth and hail The Twelfth Night. That was a poor joke! Continue Reading