How does it feel to be illegal
To be a dark unknown.
Is it musty and dusty and cosy?
Maybe it smells like a heartbeat,
the most delicious smell.
Someone told me it has a hard taste-
the taste of iron and rust:
you get a sniff and your hair
curls up. It has a smell of shame; tasteless
like chewed cardboard.
When i think about my illegal
i stop breathing i stop eating i
stop living. My secret sucks
the marrow from my bones
and steals the shine from my sun.
it dances up and down in front of me
it gestures and mocks at my tears.
My illegal shows me a mirror
to mirror me. I see a reflection
of a thing. An ugly- twisted-
tortured-insect with no will.
i do not close my eyes at night,
for it will sneak up and smother me
with the pillow. I burnt it and
choked on the ashes.

I was taught that
I come from dust
and to dust I must go.
No longer do I care-
my dreams are more real;
my days fade into numbers,
they carry no meaning for me.
Rip Van Winkle napped for years
woe is she who wakes up
and finds tomorrow changed.
That thing called life mocks you;
it is at such times I celebrate
my mortality.
I would not live forever!
I could not live forever!
A king wished for immortal life
and forgot to ask for immortal youth.
Fool is the person that
loves the world.
It is not right to be so
tired to live,
said she.
I can’t I can’t I can’t was
the answer.

Alice in wonderland wandered
down into an upside-down world.
What to do to escape from reality?
Reflections in the mirror lie,
we are not what we seem to be.
The world is too much with us
and we are too much with
the world.
Sorrowful is she who knows
all grief stems from knowing.
Acid Lsd Morphia give me
forgetfulness.
To remember is to die
to forget is to live.
A centipede balls up on touch;
a touch-me-not withers on you.
We could all own a protective shell
lulling us to oblivion,
un-bothered un-fettered un-loved un-hurt.
The biggest vanity is to learn
The toughest to unlearn.