4 Comments to “Sripng”

  1. Gyanban

    Mar 18th, 2010

    Disclaimer – Since you asked for it let me tell you – I am not particularly good at giving cosmetic critiquing so will be precise.

    What you re trying to achieve here is a difficult thing. A dark gangsta/african american/tarantinoesq/mafia pacino style narrative.
    Some word inconsistencies notwithstanding, I think you have done a commendable job.

    So you ve got to be consistent with the narrative style – if it is gangsta rap – then proper english should/could be avoided and vice versa.

    One example -

    She aroused a part of ma brain – methinks goes against the narrative flow – my suggestion – -> She shot ma brain on a high.

    All ing’ s to end as n e.g. –> nothing to end as nothin….adds to consistency to the narrative.

    I guess you get the drift.

    From a story core – I think you have done a good job.I was visualizing animation type screens while reading it.Quite good indeed. It is a simple story with it s heart in place.
    I think the dark violent angle to it was interesting which gives the narration a personality.

    Overall, I think a good attempt to push new boundaries.

  2. Mr. Pramathesh

    Mar 19th, 2010

    Thanks Gyan Ban. I will keep this things in my mind in future.

  3. jumi

    Mar 29th, 2010

    such a gud piece of literature…

  4. Lakshmi Rajan

    Apr 1st, 2010

    On the technical language part, Gyaan has said enough. For me it sounded African Americanish and over all i would say it’s a new style you have attempted and for the very reason of attempting something new i will give you a load applause. And a small tip to conclude: When you attempt something new style next time, do a bit of research online and you can fine tune it better. P.S Since you are a researcher by prof you can do it better :P


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