Wise Bachelor
Posted on 15. Feb, 2010 by Wise Bachelor in Issue 4, Issues, Sections, Vol. I, Wise Bachelor
Q. I am about to get married to a guy, but before marrying him, I want to know more about him. But it is really difficult to arrange a date with him, as his mother doesn’t allow him to take his cellphone out. So, whenever I want to go out with him, I have to call up his mother and seek her permission. It is really killing our relationship even before its growth. Please help, WB. Pehenna chaahu suhaag ka joda par saasu maa pehnaye ghunghroo, Bangalore
Ans: My dear, your condition is exactly like Prajakta Deshmukh’s (later Virani) before she married Chirag Virani in Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Dakshaben Virani, Chirag’s mother, never liked her and always intercepted her phone calls to her lover. Ultimately, it was the sensible Tulsi Virani who hatched a brilliant plan to get the two of them married by guile. Dakshaben never approved of the action and disappeared from the picture for 40 long years, only to resurface as someone who looked younger than her daughter-in-law. From the above example, you can be sure that you are in a better place to decide things. If would-be mother-in-law ji is so protective about her son, she might want to remain in power forever and assign you only a minor role in the real-life drama that she will direct. And if you throw tantrums, she can be as blunt as Ektaa ji herself, by replacing your character with somebody else’s.
Try to know what kind of a man is your would-be hubby. If he is like Deven Verma in Khatta Meetha, who keeps on asking his mother, mummy o mummy, tu kab saas banegi, then he might not be the right guy for you. You should look for someone like Shammi Kapoor in Junglee, who vehemently opposes Lalita Pawar (his mother) when she asks him not to marry Saira Bano. But the decision is yours. After all, you might also want to team up with your saas and drive your hubby crazy, as in the old Britannia 50-50 shayad mummy-shayad biwi commercial where the hapless guy is traumatised by his nagging mom and pugnacious wife.
Q. WB, I am going around with a girl for five years, and I have been very committed to her. But recently, she told me that she has slept with someone while I was out of station. I am shattered. Please help. Betrayed in love, Guwahati
Ans: Bhai, I must say that you are lucky to find out the infidelity of your girl before making the final commitment. Imagine a conjugal life with her, when you would wonder from where she got that cologne smell on her saree. And just imagine what would happen if your kids look like and talk like your driver. If you don’t want a future like that, then take some tough decisions. You might want to go Kawas Nanavati’s way (by killing your girl’s paramour), or you might want to play Naseeruddin Shah in Ek Pal where he not only accepts his wife’s infidelity but also her illegitimate child. However, my advice to you in three words would be—BHAGA DO USKO!
Q. WB, I am a Hindu in love with a Muslim girl. We both want to marry each other, but fear that our families might thwart it. How do we tackle it? In good faith, New Delhi
Ans: When will the young generation learn to appreciate Mughal-e-Azam’s landmark song, Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya? Brother, you need to learn from Anarkali’s example that if you love someone, you should not fear anything. If Salim and Anarkali could stand up against an empire, both you and your love can stand up against your families. But make it sure that this is your last option. I would like to advise you to consult your respective families first. Try to show them reason that they could make an example of aapsi bhaichara by allowing you to marry each other. Mazhab nehi sikhaata, aapas mein bair rakhna (faith doesn’t teach us to bear ill-will among us)—Iqbal sahib wrote that a long time back. We reiterate this point every day when we sing Saare Jahan Se Accha. If you fail to convince your families, then law will help you. However, you both have to be sure if you would be happy without your families. Decide wisely, my friend.
If you also have questions to ask WB then please mail to wise.bachelor@friedeye.com
Pavithra Selvam
Feb 16th, 2010
Dear Wise Bachelor,
I am appalled at your sexist attitude towards that woman who confessed about cheating on her boyfriend. Instead of urging your your advice-seekee to ponder on what options he had with regards to the future of their relationship, you have branded the woman in an almost ‘slutty’ fashion by jumping to conclusions about her ‘character’. I say character in quotes because your statement very subtly connotes that women don’t deserve the right to be sexually liberated.
While I am complete believer in monogamy and fidelity, your language is downright disrespectful.
I’d like to volunteer to be the ‘Wise Bachelorette’ and maybe give a feminist twist to your chauvinistic views in the future.
noyon
Feb 18th, 2010
i agree with Pavithra
If the poor guy is supposed to let go of the girl who had the guts to accept what she did… then every guy would be kicked by his girl.. comon guys are far worse. we cant stop drooling at legs when a girl wearing a skirt passes by… i am sure given a chance many would not miss a one-night stand.
The guy needs should accept the girl.
Mani Padma
Feb 18th, 2010
@Pavithra
As a creative supervisor of Fried eye I would like to apologise if the above comment has upset the senses of the readers. Please be assured that it was unintentional. But again I would like to clarify that Fried eye or Wise bachelor never harboured sexist nor chauvinistic attitude for women. In the above mentioned case Wise bachelor had put forward both the options to the person concerned,but yes may be in a caustic manner, but he did put forward. As for the final advise, all I can say that the person concerned here had already shown his first signs of doubt in the relationship by publicly bringing forward his issue, and if at incipient stage itself he has serious reservations about his relationship, then the future of his relationship with that lady is questionable.And if that is the case then it is better that both of them go their seperate ways, if not better for the Man then at least for the girl who deserves someone more understanding.But I admit , it was expressed in a caustic and sarcastic manner which might have caused the misunderstanding. I again apologise for the same. Your presence here is an honour for us and we would like to have your expert views in the future too. Please do not let this incident change your goodwill for fried eye or wise bachelor. Thank you.